Open Letter to those that chose that moment,
It’s Valentine’s Day.
This is to all those that have spent time in my head, my heart and I have had the honor of being in your presence.
Your absence is noted. Your decision to leave this place in the manner you did has left and indelible ache. Every time another one hits that tipping point the ache remembers and it gets added to.
It’s like the poisons that we let companies leach into our food, water and solar system. The idea was planted and the choice was made. How did I know it would surround me. When someone makes the choice to take their life, it is not talked about in polite company…it is whispered, shoved under the rug. These are our bright minds, our artists, tree-loving debaters. These are our children that do not understand it is forever. I feel like I barely move to anger before another one hits the tipping point. What is in the water?
The sadness , the emotions right under my skin, at the edge of my eyes gets recycled into lists, packing, cleaning, working, stopping myself when I want to yell at my kids. It’s achy. It’s painful. It’s hard to move and breathe sometimes.
You were my dad’s best friend
You were only 12.
You will always be my dad.
You were my connection to the earth.
You are my hero and are still here, temporarily broken. Please don’t go. I don’t know what to tell you. How to get you to see….all the time, that life would be less than – without you.
For many, that moment has passed. Many many years or just last month. I write this to those that something broke inside and you thought it could not be fixed. I write this to those that are on that path. You will be missed. You will not be back.
As you go, my skin gets thinner. I choose not to sweep it, whisper it. I am listening.
Love you more than you will ever know.