sparkignitefire

Who knows what that is?

This week has tried. Over and over. Just had the last one land square on the chin. Just bought the 1st bathing suit since I was pregnant with Gladys (she’s 5). Since I weigh more than when I was nine months pregnant with her, it was a humbling experience to say the least. As I alluded to before, there is a purpose for all of this honesty.

If I am honest with myself, maybe you will be with yourself. You might not be ready, though are willing to share this with someone who is. We can walk, ride, swim, skip or crawl together. I can circle back to pick you up. Let me know and I will.

About an hour ago, David was taken off life support and he will be able to give the ultimate gift. Someone that is here, fighting for tomorrow will get to have a part of him, to live on. This is no way mends my broken heart, just puts a bit of salve on it. There is a moment before impact-whatever yours is that we have clarity. Love harder, leave it all on the field. Go to bed knowing you are finished. Know the difference between being exhausted because you let someone run you. That does not count. We chose to let those people suck the energy from us, we let them gossip (guilty of all), and then moan about it. Let’s take the baby steps everyday to keep it real.

Spark is about the beginning.

I love that we have the option of starting over everyday. I didn’t get to be 92 lbs over my ‘race’ weight over-night. It creeped, slithered, butter knifed its way to my hips. Every pound are the countless hours trying to just put one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t until recently (last 2 weeks) that it became clear I was just trying to survive. The external expectations were very heavy. A couple of months ago, I started to take the extra weight out of my pack. The unnecessary clothes, extra food, extra bike tools, and that huge sleeping bag. (just so you know, there is a lot of stored up sports jargon in my brain right now-if it’s annoying I apologize now)

Ignite is about taking that 1st step despite the obstacles. Persevere. Reminding our fragile selves there is tomorrow. We get to begin again.

The possibility of beginning again is incredible, daunting and is the balance of keeping it in my head and letting it out here. Thank you for taking this time with me. Whatever your Sisyphus is, you can do it. I am nervous and over-whelmed in moments to share the stories. Please feel free to share yours. They will stay with me unless you tell me otherwise. To the right are some links that are special to me. The 1st one is part of my journey. Shayla has been instrumental in coercing the butterfly out. She is the one that renamed my ‘fog’ to the mush that happens when a caterpillar spins a cocoon. Then all those epithelial cells make a winged creature to emerge. I’ll tell you about what I am doing to get from point A to point B warts and all.

Haymakers and a sucker punches abound……I have my cut-men. As you should. Find them, surround yourself with the ones that will call you out, hug longer than you wanted to and bring stuff to the table. (we want waiters not bus-boys at this time)

I will forever be aware of the trees and see David’s spirit with every season for them.

Love you