Open Letter to those that chose that moment,

Dear heart-breakers,

It’s Valentine’s Day.

This is to all those that have spent time in my head, my heart and I have had the honor of being in your presence.

Your absence is noted. Your decision to leave this place in the manner you did has left and indelible ache. Every time another one hits that tipping point the ache remembers and it gets added to.

It’s like the poisons that we let companies leach into our food, water and solar system. The idea was planted and the choice was made. How did I know it would surround me. When someone makes the choice to take their life, it is not talked about in polite company…it is whispered, shoved under the rug. These are our bright minds, our artists, tree-loving debaters. These are our children that do not understand it is forever. I feel like I barely move to anger before another one hits the tipping point. What is in the water?

The sadness , the emotions right under my skin, at the edge of my eyes gets recycled into lists, packing, cleaning, working, stopping myself when I want to yell at my kids. It’s achy. It’s painful. It’s hard to move and breathe sometimes.

You were my dad’s best friend

You were only 12.

You will always be my dad.

You were my connection to the earth.

You are my hero and are still here, temporarily broken. Please don’t go. I don’t know what to tell you. How to get you to see….all the time, that life would be less than – without you.

For many, that moment has passed. Many many years or just last month. I write this to those that something broke inside and you thought it could not be fixed. I write this to those that are on that path. You will be missed. You will not be back.

As you go, my skin gets thinner. I choose not to sweep it, whisper it. I am listening.

Love you more than you will ever know.


6 Responses to “Open Letter to those that chose that moment,”
  1. I will immediately seize your rss feed as I can not to find your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Please let me recognize in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.

  2. An interesting discussion here may be valued at comment. I think that you need to write more on that topic, it might not become a taboo subject but generally people are not enough to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers

  3. mutombo says:

    yes, it’s overwhelming when a dearest loved one decides to leave, just like that. My sister took her life 7 months ago, extraordinarily the most painful experience to find her dead. I had been caring for her and she me, all our lives and this time her depression took her to this darkest place never to return. Its completely unbelievable to me but I have to accept it was her traumatic and painful life she chose to end and not mine. I feel as though I am in a dream, not quite here, not quite caring about anything and some days struggling to simply be. But I am here, this experience has solidified my understanding that we truly are very much alone in this life, coming in, walking the path and going out. This experience of death and suffering leads me closer to my own purpose for living.

    • First, thank you for having the amazing courage to write me.
      It is about one foot in front of the other….over and over till the pain turns to an ache. It will take time.
      The space that she held in your day to day and your life was large. That void will be hard to fill, it will take on another shape.
      Know this….you are loved more than you will ever know.
      Please let me know if there is anything I can do.
      Love always,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: